Be More Than Yesterday

I don't know about you but I always catch myself thinking about life all the time. I despise living in the present but I'm afraid to live in the future because it is so uncertain.

I've never been to a palm reader, tarot card or any sort of those things that can let me have a glimpse into my future. I'm utterly curious to know though. But does knowing it afterwards will help me to live my daily life normal again or with a certain fear that- the predictions might damn well come true one day.

I'd like to think that we have this extraordinary calling in life that just hits you when you're least expecting it. That one day we might quit our desk job and do something wild and crazy and hilariously unexpected of us. This season of my life that I'm at right now, graduating from my Degree and continuing on with my Masters. It's like I'm living each year from an uncertainty to another uncertainty. Of what, where, who, why that might bring me to my next phase in life, I have no idea.

But despite all of those uncertainties, I want to do more with my life, more than what I am capable of, more than I am asked of, more than I could expect of myself.

Funny though, I've grown and done more in the UK within a year than I ever did with my 22 years in Malaysia. I was always occupying myself and my time when I should be solely focusing on my studies. Balancing a part time job in a restaurant with my Degree and socialising with friends and new people. On top of that, travelling to various countries and cities I've never been to. Plus, doing all the grocery, cooking and laundry by myself (it's really time consuming! Thanks mother!). Sometimes I even ask myself how did I pull through all of those and still able to graduate with a 2:1.

With another year in the UK for my Masters, I'm beginning to realise that time may no longer be a friend of mine. That my priorities will shift, that I'll be 23 years old, that it's time to grow up and be serious about life. Be serious about the people I meet and are able to influence me personally.

It is true of what people say, the older you grow, the fewer friends you'll have. Ultimately, I realised that by being single, it gives me more time to do more for others and for myself. I've grown to be not afraid of being alone but I'm afraid of heading towards somewhere that has so many uncertainties I can't control. Does it make sense at all?

Be Brave,
JC

Be The Inspiration

It is always during those random late nights where you try to sleep and your brain just keeps on thinking about things that, as much as as you try to suppress it, you can't stop yourself from thinking about it.

So here I am, huddling under my cover in my depressingly cold bedroom at the top floor of my flat, thinking about where would I end up at after graduating this Summer. To be honest, I really would like to stay on for my Masters in the UK. But my heart is already at somewhere else. I don't know where but I think I'm coming to the acceptance stage where my journey in the UK is really coming to an end.

It's been almost 5 months since I got here. I've changed inevitably in so many ways I couldn't comprehend. The way I speak, the people that have came into my life and impacted me to think differently. To be more open to new ideas and cultures. It's terrifying but it shouldn't short change your experience of studying abroad. I'm glad that some things happened the way it did. Or else I wouldn't have discover that I could be courageous and independent for my own sake. Ha. And learning how to cook!

This just struck me minutes before I started writing this but maybe, just perhaps, I don't need to stay on in the UK to make my life happier, contented and what not. People think that if they continue to stay on in the UK it would do good for them in terms of getting a job or a citizenship and the most common of all, better quality of living. But what I finally understood is that there are plenty of opportunities out there that offers the same or maybe even better experiences one could have had if they step foot elsewhere. It's not wrong to try your best to get a job in the foreign country that you had study at. My cousin landed a job in the states last year after studying for almost 4 years in engineering. I'm pretty sure he's not gonna be going back to Malaysia anytime soon.

But what I'm trying to say is, we all can make our own adventure wherever we go, whoever we meet. I once ask a friend of mine what was his plans after graduating in the UK. Instead of giving me the cliché answer of "I'll try to get a job here." He told me that he'll go wherever the circumstances would bring him to. And that inspired me so much to be open about my decision after I leave Sunderland.

I hope that wherever I end up at in the future, I'll be able to inspire the people there. Just as much as I've been inspired by my friends here in the small town Sundy.

Be Inspiring,
JC