Be More Than Yesterday

I don't know about you but I always catch myself thinking about life all the time. I despise living in the present but I'm afraid to live in the future because it is so uncertain.

I've never been to a palm reader, tarot card or any sort of those things that can let me have a glimpse into my future. I'm utterly curious to know though. But does knowing it afterwards will help me to live my daily life normal again or with a certain fear that- the predictions might damn well come true one day.

I'd like to think that we have this extraordinary calling in life that just hits you when you're least expecting it. That one day we might quit our desk job and do something wild and crazy and hilariously unexpected of us. This season of my life that I'm at right now, graduating from my Degree and continuing on with my Masters. It's like I'm living each year from an uncertainty to another uncertainty. Of what, where, who, why that might bring me to my next phase in life, I have no idea.

But despite all of those uncertainties, I want to do more with my life, more than what I am capable of, more than I am asked of, more than I could expect of myself.

Funny though, I've grown and done more in the UK within a year than I ever did with my 22 years in Malaysia. I was always occupying myself and my time when I should be solely focusing on my studies. Balancing a part time job in a restaurant with my Degree and socialising with friends and new people. On top of that, travelling to various countries and cities I've never been to. Plus, doing all the grocery, cooking and laundry by myself (it's really time consuming! Thanks mother!). Sometimes I even ask myself how did I pull through all of those and still able to graduate with a 2:1.

With another year in the UK for my Masters, I'm beginning to realise that time may no longer be a friend of mine. That my priorities will shift, that I'll be 23 years old, that it's time to grow up and be serious about life. Be serious about the people I meet and are able to influence me personally.

It is true of what people say, the older you grow, the fewer friends you'll have. Ultimately, I realised that by being single, it gives me more time to do more for others and for myself. I've grown to be not afraid of being alone but I'm afraid of heading towards somewhere that has so many uncertainties I can't control. Does it make sense at all?

Be Brave,
JC